Your Other Half

It makes me sad that the older women I’ve talked to lately all seem to have the same story… they are unhappy in their marriage and are either planning to leave or are hiding back-up money from their husbands (just in case). They warn me that I need to watch out for myself and be there for number one – me.

Well… I don’t agree. Or at least don’t want to give up anyway.

“Yes, I’m young. Yes, I’m a newly wed. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have to work hard to keep a strong relationship with my husband.” I want to say. He and I have been together for 11 years now and we’ve had our ups and downs like anyone else. It just makes me ache a little for women who feel like there is nothing they can do and that they’ve used up time that they could have been happy in their relationship instead of lonely. I hate to think what it would be like to be unsatisfied with my partner… the person who is there for you when you want to talk, laugh, share, cry or grow with. It’s a given that fights will ensue about the dishes or helping out around the house… but that’s so small compared to the big picture. Right?

“Ashley, start taking money out every time you go to the grocery store and put it in a secret bank account.” Really?? Is that what I have to look forward to when I’m 40? Then I don’t want it. I wish more people would step up and tell me that they are genuinely happy and they have a great relationship with their spouse – that they wouldn’t quit on the other person. Because that’s where I am… I hope if you’re reading this, you’re where I am too.

Haha, Happy Valentine’s Day.

~ Ashley

Picture from Rebecca Tabor Armstrong
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One thought on “Your Other Half

  1. Funny, I heard many of the same comments when I was in my twenties/thirties from older women who said the same thing to me. Looking back, those women never had a career outside the home, and went from living with their parents, to being married and having children. I grew up with the mindset that “he” was the man of the house, and “she” was the one who did everything to take care of him.

    What we (me included) didn’t realize is that we have a right to be an individual in a relationship. So if we started out taking care of our partner, we shouldn’t complain years later when they are settled into a routine and get upset when we decide to change it.

    We (your Dad and I) wanted you and James to know that women have a voice and deserve as much respect as a CEO/garbage collector/mother/etc. I agree it isn’t about saving money to get out of a relationship, I believe it is talking with your partner and finding out what the issues are. Then working for a solution. If a solution isn’t possible because you’ve changed and/or they’ve changed, then it’s time to step up and move on. People do change, but it isn’t a bad thing, look at the growth that has happened in our family.

    You are not the typical woman, you and Joey share your lives, and have your individual interests, and respect the time you both need to be together as well as apart. It’s taken me 50+ years to finally be in that kind of a relationship, lucky you.. you did it right in your twenties!

    There will be women (and men) who continue to “save their pennies” to get out of a bad relationship, because they let themselves be subservient to another, but thank goodness times are changing. I know you will raise your children to be free thinkers who love their significant other, but still have a place for themselves in the relationship.

    I love you, and who you have become .. so very much.

    Mom

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